The time right after a break up can be a very miserable period for anyone. Feelings are trampled on, emotions are running wild and harmful acts are very often done to the other person in an effort to appease the pain. Fortunately, there is a better way to handling this difficult break up period and you maybe even end up being friends after the love!
The first thing to do is find out what "break up stage" you are at. Are you getting ready to break things off? Or, has it already happened? Maybe you're still pining about an older past love. Whatever stage you're at, just recognize it and be okay with it. In the end, it really doesn't matter what every else thinks but what makes YOU the most comfortable. At no other time is the care of YOU more important than in the periods surrounding a loss.
Your next course of action depends on which "break up stage" you are at. If you're about to break up with your love... then just do it. Don't hold on one more day to ease their pain (or yours). It's not fair to the other person or yourself.
If the relationship has already ended, then accept that. Even if you weren't the one who ended it, it's much better to just accept what happened, learn from your experience and try to move on. I know accepting the break up may be difficult, but by doing this you'll bounce back much more quickly and easily.
During this period you may be feeling a myriad of different emotions: confusion, betrayal and doubt, just to name a few. Remember, you just lost a loved one! It is completely natural to grieve... in fact, allowing yourself a grieving period is just about the best thing you can do.
After your grieving period, it's time to get to moving on... I know, easier said than done but there are ways to do this successfully! The best solution is to decide who your true friends are, then surround yourself with these people. Go out and have fun. Make a list of all the things you've "been meaning to do" or always wanted to do. Pick a close friend or go by yourself and DO those things! Staying active both physically and mentally can do wonders for getting over a past love. It gets your mind out of the situation your into and into looking into the future.
Other things you might want to do include:
- Throw away or hide old photos and/or objects that remind you of your past love.
- Truly pamper yourself! Go shopping, join a gym, etc.
- Spend some time meeting new people.
- Renew your spiritual beliefs
- Go on a few casual dates to bolster your self-esteem.
- Take a vacation or day trip with a group of friends.
- Talk about your break up and your feelings.
- Enjoy being single for awhile! You just might find out it's more fun!
- Have a girl's or guy's night out!
- Whatever happens know that there isn't anything that has happened to you that YOU alone can not handle!
The last thing to remember, as tempting as it might be, hold off on finding a new love for a bit. Rebound relationships, while they might ease the pain of the past love, are almost always doomed from the beginning. When entering into any type of relationship it's important to really know the person. In most cases rebound relationships don't get a chance to develop that "get to know each other" period. If you do find someone who sparks a romantic interest... at least take it slow. If it's meant to be, you'll be glad you did!
The above also applies to getting back together with your past love. If something happened that was stong enough to end the relationship the first time, it's pretty safe to say either the same issue will come up again or something new will pop up. If romantic feelings are too strong for you to resist, then follow the same advice for rebound relationships... take it slow!! Who knows, you may enjoy doing the dating stage again!
Amit khare
khare@aol.in
Mujhe Tere Paas Rehna Accha Lagta Hai
